Stop trying to change your partner – Pt 3

By fbrowne

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This is the third part of the 3 part series… read Part 1 here.

One of the biggest challenges that couples experience in relationships is that they operate from a belief that they can successfully change who their partners are as people and how they routinely behave. During the early stages of a relationship, the partners often ignore each others’ faults and idiosyncrasies while believing that in time they can successfully get a partner to change. Rather than come to terms with what underlying issues that bother them, they step over these troubling matters, rationalizing that they can simply later find a way to get a partner to change in a way that better honors their values and coincides more closely with their life rules.

This insistence on altering the other person is often sourced in a desire to dominate them, control situations, and avoid being controlled themselves. Much of the suffering and struggle that accompanies most relationships is because of each person’s addiction to being right. All too often, each individual will sacrifice happiness, peace of mind, relationship harmony, and the potential for a lasting and rewarding union simply because of the need to dominate and have their way. This need to control situations and force the other person to comply with the dominant partner will surely result in tension, unending arguments, and damage to the relationship.

Of course, that we resist will continue to persist. So, the more we focus upon our ‘right’ to get our partners to change, the more likely they will oppose what we desire. Their own overwhelming need to be right and to avoid domination will certainly result in their opposition and insistence that it be the other person who is supposed to do the changing. As a result, an impasse is likely that can severely damage the relationship.

So, how do we get what we want and need from a relationship that is not providing us with our expectations? The answer is simple…

Create space for the other person to be who they are and they will show up magnificently in that space. We are all beautifully and uniquely created. Only God can create a person and only God can change a person. Stop trying to change your partner. You are not God. Let peace reign!

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